Learning to Walk Again
As I woke after the tumor resection and prosthesis implantation surgery, I remember one sensation clearly: My leg felt impossibly heavy.
Over the following years, I underwent several more operations in Vienna as surgeons lengthened the prosthesis to keep pace with my growth, along with plastic reconstruction and managing complications. Through one year of chemotherapy and roughly two dozen surgeries in the following years, my mother never left my hospital bed.
After one of those childhood surgeries, I started walking at home with my father, who held my hand to steady me. Together we counted the steps I could take. One step, then another. The numbers were small at first, but every day, they grew.
Looking back, I remember being both strong and fragile during those years; strong because the medical routine became part of everyday life, fragile because every improvement required patience and persistence and came with risk. I was also navigating how others perceived me – my leg visibly different after many surgeries, muscle grafts, skin grafts, and my mobility changing from one phase to another, sometimes on crutches, sometimes not. It raised questions and whispers behind my back, among other children and adults, about what it meant to be “sick.” It also meant adapting to how my body looked, learning, over time, to live with visible differences and how others responded to them.
As I grew, the prosthesis was lengthened several times to keep my legs aligned, but it meant missing school and enduring many hours of rehabilitation in between surgeries. Eventually, the surgeries became less frequent as my growth was completed, but revision surgeries were still to follow.
The reconstruction allowed me to build a life with mobility beyond illness, but I also understood something early on.
No prosthesis lasts forever.
When the Past Returns
For many years, my leg performed remarkably well. I studied, entered public service, and built a career in government, working in complex policy environments where long-term thinking and resilience were essential, skills I had developed early in life.
Then, decades after my original surgery and eight years since my last surgery, the past resurfaced. I experienced a fracture in the reconstructed limb. The injury was unsettling not only because of the pain, but because of what it suggested. The reconstruction had already been large and technically demanding when it was implanted. It replaced an entire joint, part of my tibia, and a significant portion of my femur, a so-called mega prosthesis, with surrounding tissue also resected. If something of that scale begins to fail, the options are not simple.
Replacing such a prosthesis is not a straightforward exchange. The reconstruction is technically complex and medically demanding. In that moment, I once again confronted the long reality of survivorship.
When the fracture happened, I contacted my longtime surgeon in Austria, and same day emergency surgery was initially planned. However, delays related to insurance approval meant I could not be transported to Vienna until several very painful days later, leaving me in fear of whether a limb salvage would still be possible.
It was, but the surgery resulted in a total femur replacement. This marked a turning point: No more walking independently without crutches, no sitting for extended periods of time, and I now had to contend with secondary shoulder issues.
Still, I tried to return to my previously built life, but I eventually had no choice but to take a medical retirement and move away from Berlin, Germany’s capital and my place of work, to Bavaria in the south of Germany to be closer to family and rebuild my life. This required a fundamental redesign of daily life to fit my new mobility needs.
Today I work in executive coaching, holding active consulting and advisory roles. In this work, I draw on lessons shaped by long-term adversity, particularly how to make decisions and adapt when uncertainty is not temporary, but sustained over time.